Falling in Misery
by Mourir
Summary: [Mimato] Watching from afar, Mimi only wants Matt to be happy. He suddenly appears at her doorstep one stormy night, unknowingly breaking her already tender heart.
1. Broken

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon

Revised: Fixed most of the grammar and spelling mistakes [just the ones that were underlined ^^;;]

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Mimi's Pov

I just need someone to notice me. To notice the pain I go though. I just need someone to be there - to never leave my side. I just need someone to give me my true desires. Not that crap my parents get me. I'm not asking for much. I'm not asking for perfection, I never have. People are just always assuming that that is what I want. My cries of complaints are just for that person to notice me. Yet he has not. He is always caring about his brother, always paying attention to our messy haired leader, whether it was good or bad. 

Years later, I have moved to a strange country. I never thought that my desire would be taken away from me. I have called him once, but he was distracted. Then I heard he involuntarily went on a date with some psycho-bitch. 

Christmas soon came and I was not granted the wish to go to Japan. I wish I would have, I could've changed everything. I could've changed destiny. I could've changed the future. His future. Her future. My future. But I didn't. If I had, he wouldn't be with her. He wouldn't be with my best friend. The red headed athlete who I remembered used to swoon over the thought of Tai.

So much has changed - hearts, theories, minds, looks, everything. None of us are the same anymore. It's as if we went through this sudden evolution. We can no longer identify with our past selves. But there is one thing that I managed to hold on to. His eyes still cause my heart to flutter. His voice makes me melt. I still love him. Yet he is out of my reach. My best friend has taken my world away. She has taken all I had. 

Now I am no longer connected with the Digidestined. They have all moved on without me. I am just a mere childhood memory. No one keeps in touch with me anymore. I just make random appearances and all they say is "Mimi, you're back!" and go on with the rest of their lives. Not even Michael notices me. When we went back from the Digital World that one day, all he has ever thought about was Miyako. And Palmon - she has to save the world. And it's not like we were the closest pair ever. My parents - must I explain them? They are so caught up between themselves. They are so in love. I would be shocked if they were to even have a MINOR argument. It makes me sick how in love they are. I want to throw up every time I see them together. Funny because I want to be like them. I want to be in love like they are. I want the feeling you get when you look into your lover¡¯s eyes and whisper sweet nothings. Whispers that don't even matter because you're with the one you love. But I can't get that. I have to settle for the flushing of cheeks, the butterflies in my stomach. 

It was torture for me to listen to his CD, to listen to his voice. I wonder, was he thinking of me while he was writing those lyrics? Or was my supposed best friend on his mind? Is she what he wants? I know that Tai used to want her. I remember seeing his lust-filled eyes every time the topic of Sora came up. But that's off topic. I'm talking about my love here.

I want my love to be happy. He has led a lonely life. He deserves happiness. But I want to be happy too. I also have been lonely. I just cover it up better than he has.

Soon my love and his girlfriend got married. I didn't turn up for their wedding. Not that they invited me. Everyone has forgotten about me. 

I grew up to be a cook – a cook, of all things. I gave up on my dreams to become a fashion designer or singer.

My son and I practically live in the lap of luxury, probably because our Japanese/American cuisine is very popular. Yes, my son helps me cook. He sometimes airs on my cooking shows with me. 

Are you wondering about the father? Well, I don't have an answer for you. We met at a dance club and were both a little drunk. They had an empty room, and you know the rest. After that ordeal, we left each other as if nothing had ever happened.

My little boy has constantly asked me who his dad was. It hurt to tell him that I was unable to answer. I wish it was that certain man, though. But I am pretty sure everyone in Japan has forgotten about me.

But I did have a way to keep an eye on Matt's life. He would show up on the news, in an astronaut suit. I like to think that he chose that job to get as far away from his wife as humanly possible. I like to think that he went to mars when he was supposed to go to the moon so that he could go even farther. But I would never know. I refuse to go near him. My face still blushes at the sound of his voice. My heart still melts at a glimpse of his eyes. What would he and everyone else say if I looked like I had some teenage crush?

But, to my joy, I have also discovered that he and his wife had divorced. Still, it's not like they divorced over me. If they had, he would have called and said, "Mimi, I love you and I always have. I was just too stupid to realize it!" That's what I wanted to happen. But it makes my heart break knowing that that was impossible.

My son crawls into my bed every time he hears my stifled cries. He asks in his innocent voice, "What's wrong, Mama?" And I would answer, "Nothing, dear." Soon, he would fall asleep and I would take him to his room.

My son worries about me. Worried that I cry over some man that has never recognized me.

Sometimes, I myself wonder why I love him so much. I would never find the answer. It's just an understood thing.

*-*-*

I'm lying in my bed again, tears flowing down my face. My son is lying beside me, sound asleep. Lightning cracks as rain pounds on my window.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. I glance at the clock and it reads '11:32'.

I walked to answer the door, still dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. As I turn the knob, the wind forces the door to open more harshly then I had wanted it to. 

A figure in a brown trench coat holding the hand of a smaller figure (who was wearing a bright pink raincoat) stood on my doorstep. Another crack of lightning allowed me to see the face of the late night visitor. My heart wrenched and shock was evident on my face. 

"Mama? Who is that?" my son asked as he ran up to me. He clenched onto my hand and looked questionably at the stranger.

I couldn't answer. I was still in a daze. The man that I have loved for so many years is standing on my doorstep.

"Mimi. Hey, long time no see."

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I asked the man, finally finding my voice.

He chuckled. "Is that the way you greet an old friend?''

A red tint crept upon my cheeks. "Oh, sorry. I'm just...surprised."

Another chuckle. "I would be too. So can I come in?"

''Oh...sure." I moved out of the doorway, gently pulling my son along with me.

He stepped inside with a rolling suitcase and the little figure beside him followed.

"I'm sorry to be intruding like this and on such short notice. I just...the roads are flooded, you know."

Oh. I thought that he had actually _wanted_ to visit. I guess I was wrong. I closed the door and my son helped the pink clad stranger with her luggage.

"It's alright. I'm glad to see you again."

He smiled at me, the smile that had always appeared in my dreams.

"I'm glad to have seen you again...Yamato."

*~*~*


	2. Dance of Insufferable Masks

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Disclaimer: See previous chapter

Notes: Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time, this was originally an IM fic, so it didn't have a set plot. Well, here's your update, it's not very long, but at least I updated.

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Dance of Insufferable Masks

Every higher deity known to existence is against me. My luck has been drained and Satan himself decided to mess around with my heart, bringing me closer to the hellish pit of despair. He and the center of my affection are playing catch with my emotions, which have hardened over the years and are as brittle as glass. These two aren't the most coordinated or skilled, so the danger of my precious glass falling and breaking is slowly taking over my mind, dragging me into a feverish paranoia.

But this is how it's always been.

Lately, however, I've had to smile. It wasn't a true smile, mind, it was the one I wore on television. I never really liked smiling, it was something you do when you're happy, and I'm rarely happy. But ever since that glorious being decided to stay at my home, I had to paste that cheerful mask on my face.

Damn him, why can't he just leave me alone, like he's always done?! Why did he have to suddenly appear in my (for the most part) comfortable life?! I was just starting to get over him.

Well, I could never get over him. It's all just wishful thinking.

I looked over to the man I was thinking about, who was sitting on the couch, staring mindlessly at the television. I had no idea what TV show he was watching, as I had never seen it before, nor did I particularly wish to. But, from the little bits I had seen, a group of people sing in front of an audience and get critiqued. Was this supposed to be entertaining? [1]

The reality show was so incredibly boring (and so incredibly **stupid**, I think my brain's about to deteriorate) I averted my attention to the blond, content to just looking at him.

And just sitting here, taking in the astronaut¡¯s outer appearance, I realize that every single aspect about him (that I used to worship) I now hate. And it makes me wonder even more why I love him so much, if I seem to despise everything about him.

For instance, his eyes, his two polished sapphire gems that shine with perfection. They always seem to have a sparkling, happy gleam in them. The deep azure contrasts sharply with his pale complexion and his bright, golden hair. You could get lost in those endless depths, they speak multitudes of emotion. 

It makes me sick.

Then we have his hair - his bright **yellow** hair, the quintessence of blond. I just want to gouge my eyes out every time I see the thing on his head called hair. 

Yet, despite all my hatred towards his physical appearance, he still manages to find his way into the core of my affection. He has me wound tightly around his finger, and I constantly obsess over the mere thought of him.

''Mimi, do you hate me?'' the blond asked suddenly, still gazing at the television screen.

''No.'' I answered without hesitation. Although I seemed nonchalant, the question had genuinely surprised me. Had I done or said something offensive?

''You're awfully quiet.'' He went on. ''It's not like you.''

I didn't say anything, feeling a sense of annoyance rise. Was I not allowed to be silent? Has it been set in stone that Mimi Tachikawa is a loud person?

''You've changed.''

''It's been nearly a decade, Yamato. Of course I've changed. Did you really expect me to be the same?'' I responded almost bitterly.

We sat in silence once again, the television being the only thing making noise. He had never once looked at me, as if I was something disgusting. It was saddening, knowing that he doesn't even want to look at me.

''I'm sorry that Sora and I never invited you to our wedding.'' He sounded incredibly guilty, as if he had been holding it in for several years. So that's why he won't look at me.

''It's all in the past. And it doesn't really matter now, seeing as you divorced.''

''We haven't even told you about our child.''

I was on the verge of throwing something heavy at his head. I never expected feeling this anger towards him. I thought I had forgiven them about leaving me out long ago, but I suppose I really hadn't. Though, I feel foolish for holding such a grudge. Perhaps there was something more to my unexplainable anger? ''Nor have I told you of mine.''

As if on cue, the two children ran into the room, a brunet boy running towards me and a strawberry blonde running towards Yamato.

''Mama! Mama!'' my son exclaimed, his voice filled with happiness. ''Is Manami staying here forever and ever? She's fun to play with, and she's nicer than the kids at school.''

''Daddy?! Can we stay here forever with Yakumo!? He's really nice!!!'' I heard Yamato's daughter say in a sort of . . . loud voice. Wow, where did she inherit that trait? She seems like she would be a shy girl.

Yamato glanced at me, silently asking my permission. I nodded, wanting my son to be as happy as he can possibly be. And if that means sacrificing my own happiness, then so be it.

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End file.
